You probably have access to a recipe book, or at least a singular recipe...somewhere. Go find it, use it. Cooking ingredients is cheaper then purchasing pre-made food, in the long run. It's also more satisfying. It also usually tastes better.

Do this even if you rarely cook, or are bad at it. Use the recipe, it has intructions. Just follow the instructions and tasty food will soon be yours.
Some things I think sometimes mess people up: Patience. You need to be constantly mointoring the food to be sure you don't undercook, overcook, or burn things. Don't wander away, just because it says "boil for 5 minutes." That's not five minutes to go do something else. Food acts weird sometimes, so watch it. Make sure nothing's sticking together or melting unevenly. Hell, when I cook I just stand there with a wooden spoon poking whatever it is I'm making for pretty much the duration. Seems to work alright.
Anther thing: Vague recipes. There's no cure for this. Try filling the gaps with common sense, I guess, and if you really have no clue what to do between steps 1 and 3 (because step 2 isn't written down) then call your mother. Or someone you know who cooks. Or try a different recipe.

If you only have one vague recipe, and don't know the phone number of anyone who cooks...well, order a pizza. Because a failed dish is often proportionally disappointing to how satisfying the success would have been.

***

"Keep your fingers, hand, and wrist relaxed. Long, steady, gentle strokes work just as well as many short, hard strokes."
--From the instruction manual for a DS game.

***

Oh, and apparantly I've been "tagged" by someone who I thought was my friend.
<-- Betrayer.

So it goes like this. I list and describe six things about me which may be deemed "peculiar" by the public at large, or at least by the people who thought they knew me pretty well. Then I specify six additional victims and inflict upon them the same formula. One of the rules is that you are to clearly state the rules. I believe I have done so.

1. Uhhhhhh shit. This is going to be hard. I don't read or haven't read as much as people seem to think.

2. That was a lame one, let's see. Sometimes I feel the burning urge to disturb the shit out of myself. Once when I was younger I drew a picture of a spectral monkey wearing a gas-mask that was so creepy I couldn't look at it immediately upon its completion. These days I generally just go online and look for really gross porn. Although I never search for incest-porn anymore, because last time I almost vomited, and I didn't even find the porn. I only got as far as the front-page of the website. But the people depicted were so insanely hideous, that merely imagining them wanting to have sex with each other (in spite of being related, mother & son) that I immediately closed the window and fought a gag reflex.
Come to think of it, I haven't felt like disturbing myself since then.

3. Ew...now I'm remembering those horrible images. Like that woman fucking the horse. God. *shudder* Okay...sooo...let's see. Uh, I'm listening to Depeche Mode right now, voluntarily, in spite of not really enjoying their music very much. I don't really know why.

4. I am a liar. Check ~Maggie-Bones's profile for reference.

5. Alright, almost done. This wasn't very interesting. Uhh, oh! I probably have scurvy. The pirate's disease. It's caused by vitamin-C deficiency, and it leads to weak bones, bleeding gums, loose teeth, and a propensity for bruising easily. Also, possibly, hemophilia, though I'm not sure about that one.

6. Nevermind, I just looked up hemophilia and apparantly it's a specific condition, passed on genetically, typically affecting males, though it's passed from the mother. I just meant blood too thin to clot properly and therefore leading to excessive bleeding from otherwise non-lethal wounds. Anyway, the sixth thing is that I...uh...actually secretly harbor naïve dreams of getting by in life entirely on what I'm capable of creatively.
In spite of the fact that I am aware that I play too many video games to be productive in any sense.

Oh good, number six was shameful and embarassing. So at least this exercise wasn't a total waste. Now, to pass on this maleficent contagion. How's about:

Sorry, guys. It's the rules.

***

Maybe I should learn to draw, so I don't have to rely on anyone else to finish the projects I want to finish. Or, hell, maybe I should concentrate on finishing writing some-bloody-thing before I start worrying about who or how to draw it.

There must be some internet community out there somewhere that helps artists and writers hook up to do awesome things. There just has to be, right? But I wouldn't know the first place to start looking. If you know of anything like this, please do let me know.

***

Speaking of insidiously communicable ideas, I just lost. If you know what I'm talking about, then so did you.

You are playing a game. The rules are: Do not remember that you are playing this game. If you remember, you lose, and must begin again. If you know about the game, you're playing it, like it or not. Therefore: You have just lost. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it later. The first couple days are always tough.

***

I just felt like emptying my head into this journal here. I think I'm done for now. Questions? Comments?